Thursday, February 5, 2009
Confessions of a Stay-at-home mom
January has been rough, and I'm not sure how much of my troubles are because of the weather or because of my attitude. I have been feeling like the worst stay-at-home wife and mother ever! I started this "new job" back in May when Jaedyn was born, with stars in my eyes. I thought I was going to be the next Carol Brady or June Cleaver, but it hasn't quite worked out that way. Being a stay-at-home mom is one of the hardest jobs I have ever had! I am feeling so guilty about EVERYTHING - not having the house spotless, not decorating the house, not having my children reading the encyclopedia by the age of 2, not budgeting our finances to the penny, not fixing delicious and healthy meals (on the table by 5:30), not spending enough time with my husband, not ironing, not keeping on top of the laundry, not having a fully stocked fridge and pantry, not having our evenings and weekends planned, not exercising, not playing with my kids enough, watching too much t.v., not taking up a hobby, and the list goes on and on and on.... You also don't realize when you quit your out of the house job how isolated you become. I don't feel like I'm in touch with what is going on outside my front door. You feel like the world is revolving around you , but you are staying in one spot - cleaning up messy hands, faces, and bums. Your whole identity has become that of "MOM" - you start to lose who you are. I started this job with good intentions, I went the library and got a few books (but there are surprisingly few books on how to be a good stay at home mom). I talked to a few friends that are stay at home moms, I even wrote down a schedule. I feel like there is some piece that is missing and I can't seem to find it. Now, don't get me wrong - I am very grateful to my husband for providing the means for our family so that I can stay home. I can't imagine dropping my two little cuties off to the babysitter. I am glad to be home when Kelsi gets home from school. I am grateful that I am able to run errands, visit my visiting teaching sisters, take meals to the neighbors, go to Kelsi's school program on short notice, watch my kids' firsts, get lots of hugs and kisses from the kids, and be able to be free of the daily grind at a corporation. I just wonder what I am doing wrong. Why don't I feel like this is "the greatest job in the world" or "my life's calling"? Am I the only one that feels this way? Got any advice?
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2 comments:
Angie,
I can relate! I am now working a couple nights a week but I am home a majority of the time and it does get rough! The thing that has helped me the most is keeping in touch with my friends! Making sure I do go out once in awhile and get to be ME! Outside of being a wife and mother! And no one is superwomen! I say as long as your there for your kids thats the best mom there is! Those little things might seem important in the moment but in the long run its the quality time you spend with your kids!
well when you put all those expectations, that you mentioned,under the job description of a stay at home mom- its hard to see how anyone without some sort of super power would be able to get all those done in one day! i know we have talked about this topic before- but i seriously think you are WAY to hard on yourself! you ARE doing a great job of being there for your kids, and that is the whole point to being a stay at home mom! maybe try to focus more on the bottom part that you mentioned in your blog! it isn't probaly self satisfying- especially when you aren't able to do things for yourself hardly because you always put yourself last-you always have! but down the road hopefully you will have the satisfaction of looking back and knowing you were there for your kids whenever they needed you- and all the times that you didn't know that they needed you- but you were there. you are doing an awesome job- and its okay if you don't "love" it right now- it is the most exhausting and thankless job ever! but it is the best thing you can be doing for your kids and because you are putting whats best for them in front of what makes you happy only goes to show what an amazing mother you are!! i love you tons- and know that i look UP to you in so many ways!!!
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